From Janet Tobiassen Crosby, DVM,
Your Guide to Veterinary Medicine.
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Pets can bring us incredible joy and companionship throughout their lives. We can also experience incredible sadness and a sense of loss at their passing. In the past, it was more common to hear "it was just a pet" and people would move on. Somehow. Today, with pets living longer, healthier lives and enjoying such an integral position in the human family, grief over losing a pet is a serious concern. Thankfully, fellow pet lovers, veterinary schools and counseling professionals now offer a wide variety of resources for those experiencing the pain of losing a dearly loved pet. This article highlights the stages of grief and some of the various resources available.

This post from the VetMed Forum illustrates the loss so many people feel after a pet has died:

JACKIETREGEMBO writes: "My days are unbearable without my beloved Mini Schnauzer "Buddy". I loved him so much that I worried prematurely about how I would be able to stand it without him. His illness was short 4 weeks. With all the tests and exploratory surgery they continued to give me hope. I even paid an extra charge to get his biopsy results in three days as opposed to ten, The fourth day after his surgery the results were in he had lymphosarcoma. His outlook was 6-12 months with monthly chemotherapy. I just could not put him through that. I had him euthanized that afternoon.

I just don't know what to do without him! I cry most of the time and I constantly think about him. People tell me to get another dog, well I'm not sure I can love another as I did him.

If there was some way I could know that he is happy and healthy somewhere, and that someday we will be together again. But no one can assure me of that.

How long am I going to feel this way? Sometimes I think that I just can't stand it. He was with me every minute, day and night. This is the worst loss that I have ever experienced."

Please add your thoughts or suggestions if you can help this viewer by posting in the forum thread.

I think that many viewers can relate to what this person is going through. I know that I can. In what is now commonly known as the "5 stages of grief" or more formally as the Kübler-Ross model, people can learn a little more about commonly experienced emotions when dealing with loss and grief. This concept was introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross MD in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying. One or more of these emotions may be experienced by those who are experiencing grief or are faced with serious "news":

• Denial - This can't be happening to me/my pet!
• Anger - Why me? This isn't fair!
• Bargaining - If I could just have more time, find the best cure, do something to change the outcome.
• Depression - The grief and sadness can be overwhelming.
• Acceptance - My pet is now in a better place or at Rainbow Bridge.

Sometimes just recognizing that these emotions are "normal" help people to work through their grief. If the grief just feels too intense or too overwhelming to know what to do next, here are some resources to help. Please note that all listings are for information only; they are not intended to be direct endorsements.

Articles on the Internet
There are a wide range of articles available on the Internet written by pet lovers, veterinarians and professional grief counselors. Using any search engine to find "pet loss and grief" links will yield many sites to choose from. Many of these sites also offer community forums and pet memorial areas on the site so viewers have a sense of community. Here are some links to pet loss articles written by me and sites on the Internet that I have found to be especially helpful:
Pet Loss a Grief Resources - Veterinary Medicine
Coping with the Loss of a Pet - Dealing with the Difficult Choices

Grief Counseling Hotlines
Many US veterinary schools now host grief hotlines, managed by veterinary students with the assistance of professional counselors. People can telephone in to have a supportive listener and someone to help them work through the grief. The available times vary by school, but with several to choose from, this is a good option for a virtual shoulder to lean on. Private counseling groups also offer pet loss support. Here is a list of hotline resources for grief support:
Pet Loss a Grief Support Hotlines

Private Grief Counseling
Finding a counselor that you feel comfortable with may take more than one try. Don't give up. A personal referral is a great place to start. A trusted family member or friend may have a name of a local counselor that offers grief counseling. One of the hotlines listed above may also have a database of recommended pet grief counselors. Checking local phone books or even calling a counselor for a referral is another option. I have found a comprehensive, state-by-state and international listing of pet loss counselors at the Pet Loss Support Page (upper left corner at the time this article is published).

I am sure most people have heard the old saying that "time heals all wounds". I don't know if I can say that time totally heals, but time definitely helps. Be easy on yourself, allow yourself to grieve and experience all of the related (and sometimes confusing) emotions, and reach out to family and friends for support.

For some people it is important to not make a rush decision to get another pet; that plan could backfire and instead of helping, the person may experience resentment over the demands of a new pet. For others, having the demands of a new pet may be just what is needed to take the focus to something new and positive. Neither plan is the "correct" plan -- it is what works best for you, your feelings, and your lifestyle. It is important to listen to yourself and not feel "guilty" about getting a new pet or not.

Take care. Celebrate the wonderful memories of your pet. Count on time to lessen the pain and grief.