An Open Letter to the Human Race
Copyright
Jim Willis 2001, all rights reserved.
tiergarten@onebox.com
http://jimwillis0.tripod.com/tiergarten/
From: The All
Creation Society
To: The Human
Race
Dear Monsieur &
Madame Homo sapiens:
We regret that you
were unable to attend our recent General Meeting. However, it is my
sad duty to inform you that your continuing membership in our Society
is currently under review as a result of allegations made against you
at said meeting. (Some of which were rather shocking!)
To begin with, Canis
lupus complained that your species has been the reason for extinction
of several of his cousins, and that recently, you have even been shooting
at him from your airplanes. Alligator mississippiensis alleged
that some of your kind have been wrestling him for sport, and Crocodylus
niloticus said he could top that and claimed you had made belts
and purses out of his family members!
Ursus maritimus
reported that you have recently been drilling for oil in his habitat
and upsetting the order of things, and Nyctea scandiaca confirmed
the charge and said she was so upset she could barely sit her eggs for
the intrusion.
Odocoileus virginianus
and Oryctolagus cuniculus explained how they had hoped for better
days after your "Disney" made movies featuring them, but that
many of your kind make a habit of storming their woodlands and shooting
at them, often with lethal consequences.
Rattus norvegicus
and Mus musculus said they were first enticed into your homes
and barns with offers of food, and then had been beheaded by some cruel
mechanical device - while several of their cousins opined that that
was a relatively painless death compared
to what they had endured in your laboratories.
Orcinus orca
claimed that he had been sold into slavery by you and forced to jump
through hoops. Lynx rufus told how his kin had finally reclaimed
some of their former habitat, at which point you opened a hunting season.
Panthera tigris sumatrae said that in his part of the world he
can barely find a plot of ground large enough to raise his family.
Gorilla gorilla
beringei wept when he told how your wars threatened both his habitat
and his offspring. Eubalaena glacialis said he had swum the world's
oceans in an attempt to get away from you, and had been harpooned for
his troubles.
Equus caballas,
that most noble of creatures, explained how his kind is wagered on by
you, then sold by you at auction and transported without food and water
to slaughter (surely he exaggerates?) One of the worst stories we heard
that evening was from Selenarctos Thibetanus, of how his kind
is cruelly imprisoned by you in cramped cages for their bile. His cousin
Ailuropoda melanoleuca said she could hardly believe it - that
you had chosen her as the symbol of one of your largest wildlife organizations!
We realize that
you are relatively new to our membership (speaking in evolutionary terms).
In the past, we have enjoyed a most pleasant relationship with some
members of your species. We are eternally grateful to your Noah for
rendering transportation assistance during that unfortunate incident.
One of your members, Dr. Albert Schweitzer, is legendary for his kindness.
We hold your Miss Rachel Carson in the highest esteem for trying to
warn you about environmental concerns that threaten us all, and of course
we are all aware of the efforts of Dr. Jane Goodall on behalf of Pan
troglodytes.
However, we simply
can no longer tolerate some of your behaviors and ignorance. In fact,
our chairman, Panthera leo, called on two of your closest allies,
Canis lupus familiaris and Felis domesticus to speak on
your behalf during the meeting. Well, it was nearly impossible to restore
order. They told how they had been abandoned and killed by the millions,
allowed to breed out of control, acquired as companions and then ignored,
passed around like pieces of old furniture, and had been targeted for
such abuses that Struthius camelus could not hear any more and
buried her head in the sand.
Many species said
they felt so defenseless in your presence that they may was well be
a sitting Aix sponsa. Alces alces concurred and said not
only had they every reason to worry, but his kind was frequently shot
by your species and then suffered the added indignity of having their
heads hung on your walls! Elephas maximus said she has so many
unpleasant memories of her relationship with your kind that she does
not think she will ever forget them.
Please do not think
us intolerant, or that we do not have a sense of humor (if I might offer
Platypus compertus as proof of the latter), but this unseemly
behavior simply must stop for the good of our entire membership. We
respectfully request that you review our rules for peaceful coexistence
on this planet and rethink some of your practices and behaviors. We
are not insensitive to the dilemmas you face, particularly with some
of your kind being herbivorous and some carnivorous. However, if there
is not an immediate improvement in the current situation, we will have
no choice but to take this matter up with The Creator.
Thank you in advance
for your prompt attention to these matters.
Warm regards,
Sagittarius serpentarius, General Secretary bird
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And
now, a few words from our viewers...
