How do you cope with killing your dog?
In the forum post below, a viewer is suffering from a tragic loss and dealing with a huge amount of guilt. Viewers in the forum and in the "comments" area of this page have offered many comforting insights and suggestions for dealing with pet loss, grief and guilt. Please feel free to post your comments on this page or in the forum thread.
From the VetMed Forum:
JCD1 asks: "Yesterday, I was taking our 2 young Chihuahuas for a walk in my electric scooter, as I am handicapped due to a degenerative muscle disease. The youngest dog, Mason, had just turned 1 year old on September 9th. Both dogs were running and playing and chasing each other as they always would do. Mason ran right under the front wheel of my scooter, and I was unable to stop and ran over him, killing him instantly. I have never experienced this much pain and guilt over our other animal losses. I can't stop thinking about Mason, how I was responsible for his death, and the pain I created for my wife and I. I would be most grateful for any advice that can help me through this very difficult time."
Comments
Hi, first let me tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I, too, just lost my dog 2 days ago. Just like your situation, it was a horrible accident. She got out, and was hit by a car on the freeway and died instantly. I blame myself and my boyfriend, but am slowly learning that that is not a healthy nor productive way to handle your loss and grief. Please check out the pet loss support page here, and read the part about conquering grief, particularly the part about redemption and forgiveness. It has helped me the past couple of days, and I hope it helps you and your wife. Again, please accept my sympathies for your loss. I know exactly how you feel. http://vetmedicine.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ/Ya&sdn=vetmedicine&cdn=homegarden&tm=48&f=20&su=p284.8.150.ip_&tt=14&bt=1&bts=1&zu=http://www.pet-loss.net/
Please accept the loss of your beloved Mason. I,too, just lost my dog two days ago as a result of a horrible accident. She got out, and was hit instantly on the freeway. I blame myself and my boyfriend for her death, but I am slowly learning that this is not the way to handle a pet’s death, and certainly not healthy or productive for you. It was simply a horrible accident, just like in my case. Please red “Breaking the Power of Guilt” by Moira Anderson Allen. She spells out certain helpful ways to handle our situations, particularly about redemption and forgiveness. It has helped me the past couple of days, and I hope it helps you and your wife, too. Again, my sincere sympathies.
I am truly sorry for the death of your pet. I’m suffering now too for euthanizing my 15.5 yrs. old dog. Her meds no longer were working for her arthritis & she was having a terrrible time getting up & down along with other health problems. I decided to end her pain & agony by “putting her to sleep.” This has been the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I, too, am dying inside with guilt & can’t get myself back together. I’ve read “Breaking the Power of Guilt” along with other material but nothing helps. I’m a mess. If I could just turn back the clock.
Please accept my condolences on the loss of your pets. What you will have to accept is that both accidents are in the past. You can only go forward from here. Grieve as much as you need to. That is part of the healing process. Keep in mind that your beloved pets are being well taken care of. That is what got me thru the loss of two beloved dogs only 5 months apart, which had to be put to sleep. It was not an easy decision but both were old and in pain.You will always have a place in your heart for them and they will always be a part of you. They loved you with all they had to give and would not want you to blame yourself.
First off, definitly big hugs for all of you. Accidents happen. Please dont beat yourself up, you had no way to know that was going to happen.
As for guilt about putting my pets down, I have a philosophy about putting my pets to sleep that came from a friend of mine. In 1985, my friend was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. Over the next year and a half I saw this vibrant, intelligent human being reduced to the intelligence of a 3 year old and in constant pain and bedridden.
She knew she wasnt ever going to get any better and one afternoon about six months before she died, she had a moment of clarity and asked her mom to leave enough pills for her to take to end her suffering. Her mom couldnt do it. She died six months later in agonzing pain.
In 2006, my 15 year old cat changed overnight. She was almost blind, she had arthritis everywhere, she stopped eating and drinking and retreated to a closet. She seemed to me to not want to live anymore. I agonized over putting her down, was it the right descision or not?
Then, I remembered my friend. That brought it all home to me. Beast was never going to get better, she was in pain, and I could end her suffering. I couldnt help my friend, but I could give peace and take the pain away for another friend.
It was a hard philosophy to come to, but I truely believe that we are the gaurdians of our pets. They give us love and compassion and when they need us to make “the call”, we are doing it for them to end their suffering.
The fact that you are guilt ridden and sad tells me that you are all compassionate/loving people. Remember that. Yor pets picked you for a reason, and you gave them a home, food, love and made the choice they couldnt make and in the end, your compassion won over the selfish desire to keep them in the world even if they were suffering. As for accidents, they happen! Just be glad and honored that you had the time you did have with them and they were happy. Big hugs to all of you.
It’s been over a year now since I had to put my baby to sleep and I can’t let go, I still cry over him at least two to three times a week, he was born very tiny and we stayed up around the clock to make sure the other pups did not push him away and he could nurse , he was extremely small but he was a strong nurser and I though he would catch up on size , but never did the other pups got to be twice his size and played to ruff with him by the time he was 7 weeks old I had to remove him from his brothers and sister. he was in a laundy basket in my Daughters room,we feed him goats milk from a bowl because his mouth was so small and his teeth could not chew up food yet, at 8 weeks his sibling got there first shots put my vet was afaid to give him a shot because of his size, he said wait two more weeks. He told me not to get attached to him he did not think he would have a long life, I told him I was going to love him every minute god gave me with him. AND I DID!!!! When he was wormed with a safe gentle wormer ( Nemex) he had a reaction to it and his throat swelled up for two days,at 11 weeks old he did get his first shot and did fine, he was very tiny but was living a normal life, I took him everywere with me and never had him out of my sight, I put my life on hold to cater to the needs of this small dog, be brought me so much joy, he loved people and wanted to see everything, he had more personailty then most people I know , when he was 16 months old he he had a seizure that put him in the emergency hosital, they ran all kinds of test on him and sent them off they said he had a shunt in his liver and need to stay in the hospital till monday when he could have surgery, the stress was to much for him, saturday night he started to fade he was in pain and his test came back that he had a neurological disorder, his heart was faint and his breathing was shallow, he was dieing in my arms,but in pain , I let them put my baby to sleep because ther was nothing they could do for him, I lost a big piece of my heart that I can never replace,I have been breeding Pomeranians for 20 years and I have lost a lot and dogs and puppies, that part of the challenge, put I pray I never love another like him again. I’ll love you forever Tot!
My sincerest condolences. As I read the posts above, I note that most people have sympathy; but most importantly they too want to share their own story. Although hard, it’s sort of like a therapy group to tell your story over and over again. Each time you do so it eases the pain just a little. You are honoring your pet by sharing your memory of your love for him/her. And along the way sometimes we pick up pearls of wisdom, grow and move on. I won’t lengthen this post with my own story, but I can say I cried for my own loss as I read through all of yours. The degree of pain you’re experiencing is a testimony to the amount of love you gave and received. It would be a shame for it to end here. Go on and allow yourself to love again. Yes, it will be different; but each pet teaches us something new. And as long as the love continues, so does the soul.
I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet little Mason. Please rest assured that you are not the only person to accidentally end the life of a beloved pet. It has happened to me and several other people I know. We are all loving and responsible pet owners who would never dream of hurting an animal! Accidents are just that…accidents. You can’t live your life on what-ifs. You do the best you can on any given day and some days just go badly. Learn what you can from this awful experience but don’t eat yourself up with guilt. Your dog would forgive you (and already has!) so take a cue from him and forgive yourself.
I took my dog to work with me every day and two days ago I went to post a parcel with him and on the way I somehow dropped his lead. The plastic handle bounced as he ran spooking him even more, he was a greyhound. He was so scared. I couldn’t catch him. He was hit by a car and die. It was my fault. I miss him like mad and I just can’t forgive myself.
Thank you everyone for your comments. My favorite cat was sitting on top of our open garage door when I drove out and pushed the button to close the garage. He probably got scared and instead of jumping into the garage, he rode the door down and got his head stuck. We found him hanging dead outside of the door when drove up. I am having a hard time coping with the fact that I pushed the button and hurried off instead of pausing outside the door for 30 seconds. Maybe I would have seen him and could have saved him. He truly was the best cat I have ever had (and I’ve had 3 others). However, people’s statements like “each pet teachers us something new;” “they loved you with all they had to give and would not want you to blame yourself” were really helpful to me. I also feel like pets will be in heaven and I am taking comfort in that. I believe God will want to give us gifts in heaven that will make us happy and I’m looking forward to being reunited with him. I remember from the death of past pets that it becomes easy as the years roll by to forget the neat things about them. I spent quite a bit of time writing up my memories of him and his unusual habits. I have also went through all my pictures of him and am making scrapbook pages of his pictures and these remembrances.
I am so sorry for your loss. Myself and My family last night lost our dog to a terrible accident. She got out the gate and because there was a storm just ran. My sister, brother and I tried to catch her but we just werent fast enough. She ran out in front of a car and was hit at a considerably high speed. She was taken to the vet with a severly broken leg and other problems and had to be put to sleep. Everyone in my family is blaming themself in one way or another and going through all the “what if’s” and I just cant see the pain getting any better. I am devestated thinkin of how scared and hurt she was and miss her like crazy. Now I have come to the point of thinkin how do I deal with this greif and help my siblings move on? They are all so sad and upset :’(
I too have lost many pets over the years, but last summer we lost Lily expectedly.
We rescued her from the humane society when she was 1 1/2 years old. She was 8 when she left us. We do not know why she died, it looked like choking, but we could not feel anything in her throat. We tried to save her, but were just unable to. She slipped away right before our eyes. This was such a hard thing to deal with – to watch the life disappear from my precious baby’s eyes. I will never forget this, ever. And then, a couple weeks later, we found out that our other dog, Hunny, had cancer. She had a tumour on her foot, it was removed, she lost 2 toes. They were unable to remove all the cancer cells, so just after Christmas we noticed it growing again. The last 3 months have been heart wrenching. I have always had a hard time with the fact that we would have to put her down just because she has a bad foot. But we took her to the vet at the beginning of this month and it had spread. She is now on pain killers. I know the pills are keeping her feeling fit and energetic, but she has days where we can see in her eyes that she just doesn’t feel good. I know in my head and my heart that it is time to let her go, but just cannot bring myself to put her down. I am hoping that she passes in her sleep, as cruel as that sounds, but I really don’t know if I will be able to “kill” her. I have cried a lot of tears for her since last summer, and I know when she finally goes that I will again, but I also think that this will bring some relief, an ending to a very hard and painful year. I will miss her with all of my heart and soul and my only solace right now is that she will be with her sister again. I know I have a very heart breaking decision to deal with, probably this weekend, but I would never trade any of my time that I have had with Lily or Hunny for anything in the world. They were my world and I feel so blessed to have had them in my life. Yes, they had to /have to leave too young, but I will cherish every second. And I will grieve, but I know that time will slowly heal the pain. Although with Lily, it is taking a very long time, because I feel like I let her down that day. She was supposed to stay with us till she grew old. At least with Hunny we will get to say goodbye. And I have no regrets this time. We’ve had 9 months to really show her how much we love her. I just hope that she joins Lily at the Rainbow Bridge and that someday I will be reunited with all of my beloved pets. I know that guilt is just a natural part of dying, but I choose to believe that there is something after this life, I am not religious, but the thought that my babies are together again brings me some peace. And they say animals live in the moment and that they don’t hold grudges. So I think we all need to forgive ourselves and as hard as it is, life does go on. I have found getting another pet helps. Lily and Hunny will never be replaced and I don’t want to replace them, but I have so much room in my heart to love again and I am – we have adopted three more babies since Lily left. I know Lily would have loved every one of them. Hunny does, I think though that maybe this is what she is holding for – cos she doesn’t want to leave them. Lily you were such a precious angel and I miss you everyday and I know you’re watching over Hunny till she joins you. I know you’re up there somewhere having fun, and that you’re fit and healthy. Hunny will be fit and healthy again soon. Love you both with all of my heart and soul.
Sorry for being so long winded, but as someone said talking about it does help even just a little. So, talk about it. There is no shame in what you’re feeling. As for people who have never loved a dog or a cat, or any other animal – I feel sorry for them. They are truly missing out on something so wonderful.